Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Fool Me Once...

...fool me twice, shame on me! They did it again! While I was getting the baby's lunch out of the fridge one of the twins grabbed the mustard out of the door without me noticing! ARRRRRGGGG!!! Now the stain on the sofa is twice as big as it was yesterday.

Their shirts were covered in the yellow goo. I stripped them down so they couldn't spread it on anything else.

Yesterday I was worried about it getting smeared around and making the mess bigger. Since it didn't come out I figured I might as well have them help clean up. At this point I might as well paint the whole sofa with French's Classic Yellow. At least then the sofa would be one color. I gave them rags to wipe it up and moved the mustard to the top shelf of the refrigerator door. Afterwards I took the upholstery attachment of the carpet cleaner to it.

They make me so ANGRY sometimes! I wasn't even on the computer this time! They are currently napping. It's time to wake them up if I want them to go to bed tonight, but it took so long to get them down I'm having a hard time making myself do it. Ugh. My whole house smells like mustard. Bleh. Is it really a necessary condiment?

Monday, March 30, 2009

From Mellow to Yellow

For a long time Camden has been the mastermind of all the twins adventures, but lately Cadi has been laying tracks of her own. I don't know if she was feeling left out, or wanted to prove herself or what. She's been showing her naughty side lately.

This afternoon I was busy in the kitchen feeding the baby and making lunch for the twins. Once it was all put together I went to gather the kids together to eat. I walked into the living room to see Cadence squeezing mustard all over the sofa! Ack! I was really taken by surprise. In true blogger form I ran up to get my camera before taking the bottle away from her. Much to my dismay the batteries were dead. As were every pair of batteries I pulled off the charger (so much for rechargeables). So I don't even have pictures of the mess to justify me leaving the bottle in her hands so I could take pictures! Where's the justice?!

I was angry. My ranting attracted the missing twin who joined Cadi in smearing her hands in the numerous piles of good old American yellow hot dog topping while I ran to get my mother-in-law's carpet cleaner (we've had it for a while. We use it almost daily). It was suppose to be their cartoon time. The TV went off! I sat them in time-out while I attempted in vain to clean my no longer completely butter yellow sofa. It was kind of cute when they sneaked out of time-out to get their toy vacuum and tried to help me clean.

The cushion is permanently stained. I couldn't get it out, and that was the good side! We already flipped the cushion a couple months ago when we couldn't get a treasure map off the other side. What's a mother to do?

Red-head the Pirate

The other day I was sitting at the computer (surprise! I think I was actually doing work of some kind) when I heard Camden say, "Mom, my foot is stuck!" I turned around to see her hobbling towards me with her foot shoved down a sippy cup. I'm sure she was looking for sympathy and some assistance, but I couldn't stop laughing! I had to snap some pictures of my little peg legged pirate.

This couldn't have been an accident. I don't know what kids are thinking when they do stuff like this. Poor girl! I couldn't stop laughing.

She gave up on me after a minute, opting to remove the cup herself. Luckily it didn't take much effort on her part. What will she come up with next?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Adventures in Mermaidia

This morning I walked upstairs to check on the twins, who had been missing too long for comfort's sake, to find them stripped down to skin and bones playing in the bathroom. Camden was holding a bottle of soap upside down, squeezing it into the toilet, while Cadi flushed. When I asked them what they were doing, they said they were going potty (hint, hint, mom). I took the soap away and let them have a go at it. After a while of nothing I decided it was time to get them dressed and find a new way to direct their water loving curiosity. Especially after one of them grabbed an older sister's tooth brush and sloshed it around in the toilet! Shhh! I won't tell if you won't (I have a sanitize setting on my dishwasher. They'll never know).
I actually had this idea yesterday, but in retaliation for their naughtiness I decided to keep it to myself. I covered the kitchen table in towels and put a couple inches of water in a large, flat, storage bin for them to play in. We have these cute little mermaid dolls that have been able to secure their interest for short bits of time lately. We could only find three of the four (alas the purple mermaid is nowhere to be found. Hopefully the dog hasn't kidnapped her away to some dreadful hide-a-way), which concerned me. Having an odd number of toys to play with is not the easiest with toddlers. In spite of the missing doll, I thought it would be fun if they could take them for a swim. They were very excited!

They couldn't stop jabbering as they anxiously awaited the "pool" to be filled with water.

In an effort to keep the twins dry I pulled out some ponchos that have been sitting in the back of the coat closet since our trip to Sea World four years ago. I knew they'd come in handy eventually! They were HUGE, but propperly rigged, they worked (in theory anyway).

So far so good. There was some argument over who got two mermaids. Technically it should have been Cadi, since she found them all. However, Camden won out because, let's face it, she's a bully.

In the beginning, just mermaids wasn't too exciting for them. I looked around for something that could be a slide, or a boat, or something that would turn it into a water park. Finding nothing I gave them some measuring cups and bowls. This is the part where all the smart moms start thinking, "Oh, no."

While I was getting lunch ready for the baby the twins were making good use of me looking away. Ponchos from Sea World may work against Shamu, but they don't do much against two year-olds climbing into a vat of water.

Or dunking their heads in. Camden felt it neccessary to make sure Cadence was covered from all angles by spitting water out onto her back. Thanks?

I pulled them out of the water and made a number of threats. They sat back on dry land and let the mermaids have a chance to swim. Cadence managed to wrestle a second mermaid away from Camden for a time.

Apparently threat don't mean much to little girls. The next thing I knew I turned around just in time to see Camden throwing water at Cadence via her measuring cup. An indoor pool is one thing, but I was not prepared to handle a full on water fight. Did I really think this was a good idea? Ignoring the barage of protests I picked the indoor aquatic center and quickly drained it. Let's just say I was not a popular mom at this point.
Cadence was especially distraught that our mermaid adventures had been abruptly cut off. She made a point of letting me know that my ratings were at an all time low. Poor little mermaids.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


The twins were on a roll this morning. Cadence was heading up the adventures this morning. Which is unusual. Normally Camden is the lead horse.

I was catching up on the blog of an old friend to the sounds of playing children. I thought I kept hearing the water dispenser in the fridge click on and off, but its suppose to be locked. Engrossed in the latest installment of a gripping life story I dismissed it. I should have known better. Almost everything happens when I'm on the computer (can't I take a hint?). After I finished the chapter I turned around to the sound of splashing and discovered my twins disrobing themselves. I walked into the kitchen, or should I say I waded into the kitchen. They (mostly Cadi) had been up to the fridge, pressing the water button, letting it pour endlessly onto the floor! They'd filled up the baby's tray on her walker, so she's was happily splashing away as well. Now they stood there sopping wet, jammies around their ankles, water inching it's way up the babies sleeper as well. Ugh! Didn't we just have this adventure? Whoever unlocked the water is in big, and I mean BIG trouble.

I sent them on their way, sopped up the from Wrigley's tray, and whipped out the Floor Mate to suck up all the water. I wasn't planning on cleaning the floors today, but they can never be too clean I guess. Especially now that the baby is crawling around.

Once dry I lifted the baby out of her walker, went to herd the twins upstairs and get everyone into dry clothes. Wait. Where are the twins? I find them standing in the window sills on the other side of the blinds, diaper only bodies pressed against the glass. What in the world? Was my house somehow transported to Amsterdam? Between the wet, gray, weather outside, the dam break inside, and the girls in the windows I was starting to feel like I was back in the home of my childhood (don't worry. I've never actually been to the famous Red Light District. My Mom and Dad weren't that kind of parents). All I needed were some colored lights.

I pull them out of the windows and usher them upstairs. I start with the baby, who is freezing cold in wet clothes. (On a side note Camden came in while I was changing the baby and says, "My diaper is in my bum! I will get it out myself!" So there, first wedgie documented and cared for.) I finish dressing the baby and wrap her up in a warm blanket for nap time. We cuddle for a minute or two as her eyes get droopy and then I hear water. Uh-oh! Water again?!

I lay Wrigley in her crib and seek out the twins who are now in the bathroom playing in the sink. Worse than a levee break they have also squished out a brand new tube of toothpaste! I was not happy. While rocking the baby I had been thinking of ways to make their current interest in water more acceptable (at the advise of my Toddlerwise book). Well, not anymore! I had to get my camera to give me a minute to calm myself so I didn't unload on these two "angels".

After I snapped the pictures I cleaned the girls up. I directed them to dry off with a towel while I rinsed the sink. Sink clean, I turn around to gather the twins only to discover Cadence has the baby soap and is pumping it out as fast as she can, covering her hands and oozing into the tub! That was the last straw! I didn't yell and scream, but I wasn't nice either. Does it ever let up?

Friday, March 20, 2009

There's Something in My Eye

Yesterday morning I was really dragging. I was tired and feeling unmotivated. I pretty much wanted to crawl back in bed and stay there until the sun made its cycle and rose again. Despite my gray mood I stuck to my "no TV until after the baby's nap" rule, but didn't really make myself accessible to the twins for entertainment purposes either.

I sat at the computer while I ate my breakfast as usual. I made no hurry to start the day after I finished eating. At some point during my attempt to waste away the morning I became aware that the water was on in the kitchen. Feeling the way I did, I let it slide by for a while, thankful they were occupied by something other than me. Time went by and I grew afraid to turn around. Water and unwatched twins are never a good mix. Soon I heard a phrase that necessitated movement on my part, "Mom, I got sumpin in my eye."

I looked into the kitchen to see a suds covered Camden rubbing her eyes with soap covered hands. Closer inspection revealed soaked twins, a new bottle of dish soap (now half empty) on the floor, and water all over the kitchen counters and floor. I didn't get mad (which is amazing). I just snapped a few pictures and got them cleaned up. My first inclination was to have them dry up all the water, but I didn't want to wash all the towels that would require. I whipped out my Floor Mate instead. There was so much water I had to empty it twice. Good grief! I guess the fact that they were shivering cold was punishment enough. Although, now that I think of it, I should have done something more because I caught Cadi in the soap three more times throughout the day.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


The twins were pretty darn good today. Other than some cut up multiplication flash cards there isn't much to report. We went visiting teaching this morning. Thankfully the markers they found only ended up on a cardboard house meant for coloring. They ate their lunch, took their naps, played outside, ate dinner (well, Camden didn't really eat in the normal understanding of the word) and took a bath (where they tried their best to soak mommy down as well). In the middle of re-diapering the twins I left momentarily to get some lotion for them. While I was away those curious monkeys unscrewed the light bulb from the lamp on their dresser, tossing the bulb behind the chest of drawers. I wasn't too happy because their dresser is really heavy and therefore hard to move. While I was changing Cadi, I suddenly became aware that they had switched the lamp "on" after the light bulb extraction due to Camden's shriek of pain caused by her sticking her still wet finger into the socket! There was no injury to her finger, but I think she had the snot scared our of her.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Diaper Dilemmas

The twins apparently think that diapers are optional today. We've had a number of incidents. The worst of which happened earlier this morning after Camden announced that she was stinky. I said, "Okay, go upstairs and we'll change your bum, I'm just going to grab the laundry." In the time that it took me to switch the laundry and sneak a leftover brownie (does it really count if I ran up the stairs?), they had both taken off their diapers (of which the dog ate their contents. Bleh!), and locked themselves in their room. Once I picked the lock, the track marks led me straight to them on their beds, thus adding bedding to my list of laundry today. Due to "explicit" content, I did not take pictures, but I'm sure the imagery isn't hard to reproduce.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

We have to wake the twins (especially Camden) no more than one hour after they go down for a nap. If we don't they won't go to sleep at night. If we skip naps they are incredibly ornery all evening and we have to keep a constant vigil to prevent them from falling asleep later in the day. Plus if we go anywhere in the car (like to pick the older kids up from school, take them to dance, gymnastics, activity days, etc.) they fall asleep, thus foiling the no nap attempt.

Today after they woke up they were sitting at the counter watching me make my lunch (I still hadn't eaten at 2:30. Such is the life of a mom, right?). I usually eat at the computer desk and read while I munch. While noshing on leftover taco salad I heard snoring coming from the kitchen. I looked back to see that Camden had fallen asleep at the counter. How cute is that? She must have been so tired. Luckily my camera was handy so I could snap a few pics before I woke her up.

Cajun Style

I spent the afternoon and half the evening prepping frozen dinners for the UVMOM dinner exchange next week. In the middle of fettuccine, chicken and, a giant bowl of sauce, Cadence comes walking in with her fingers in her mouth and a funny expression on her face, "I don't like this candy, Mommy." Huh? What candy? "Daddy's candy, I don't like it." I tried to get her to spit it out, but it was too late. It was gone. I didn't know what candy she was talking about. Further inquiries didn't shed much light on the subject either. She kept making funny motions with her tongue, like she was trying to get rid of the taste. I was concerned that she had found some medicine, or vitamins, or something that wasn't meant for oral consumption at all. She repeated over and and over, that she didn't like Daddy's candy.

I decided to have her show me where she found the candy, hoping for a package, or a wrapper left behind. When she took me into the living room the yellow sofa appeared to be covered in ash. What in the world?! I looked on the floor to see the big can of ground pepper I had been using for my freezer dinners laying on the floor, now completely devoid of pepper. ARRRG! My tension level was already high since I had been cooking for a mass of people all day long. I have to admit that I did not keep my cool. Not at all. Not even a little. Earlier in the day the sofa had endured a box of Trix that the dog got to before I did. Now every crease and crevice was crammed with irritating black powder.

Sweeping it up off the floor wasn't too difficult. Getting it out of the couch was a little more trying. I sent the kids out. Cadi was crying because her lips were stinging. I gave her a big cup of water to alleviate the irritation. If I had a vacuum that actually sucked I would have used it, but I don't so I armed myself with a small hand broom and got as much of the pepper out of the seams, and indentations as I could. All the while coughing and sneezing through watery eyes and a runny nose. Even after I cleaned it up, anyone who entered the room immediately began hacking. I opened the windows in hopes that it would help. I imagine we'll be sneezing from here 'til Christmas. Shortly after everything was taken care of, Camden said, "Pepper makes my face hurt."

Friday, March 6, 2009

Can I Have Some of These?

I had two things I wanted to accomplish this morning; pay the bills/do the checkbook, and cook up half the dinners for the UVMOM frozen dinner exchange. I wasn't even going to worry about my usual morning routine (dishes, laundry, breakfast...). The twins (and the dog) have been making these tasks difficult. For the most part it had been with general neediness as opposed to general naughtiness.

While on the phone with Spanish Fork City I heard a noise that seemed out of place. I turned around to see that Cadence had dumped out an entire box of Cheerios. Dang it all! It was a newly opened box! I got that box on a good sale too (I think I paid $1.50/box of cereal that day. I stocked up.)! What happened to the door knob covers the almost newly-weds gave me last week? I put them on. Funny thing about door knob covers is that everything has to be on the other side of them. I forgot to put the cereal away this morning.

I got off the phone and went over to give Cadi a scolding in addition to the dirty looks I'd been sending her way and she says, "Can I have some of these?"

We scooped all the cereal that was on the table back into the box. Since my floors are in no way clean enough to eat off of, I tossed everything that had fallen to the floor. I couldn't in good conscious feed my baby Cheerios that had touch our almost dirt floors.