Santa?

Dear Santa,

Is there something in between Valentine's and St. Patrick's Day? Do you think the Tooth Fairy could squeeze us in? We were upstairs doing laundry this morning and the twins went downstairs to look for a certain toy. When they didn't come back I went to check on them. Camden had been up in the pantry again. She had already fallen from the top earlier in the day. She is one determined kid! This time I found a bag of almonds and a bag of chocolate covered toffee baking bits spread all over the table and scattered across the floor. What am I going to do?

Hurry Santa!

Dear Santa,

Please hurry! I'm not sure I can wait for the Easter Bunny. Do you think the Leprechauns can squeeze me in?

This afternoon I was upstairs for about 10 minutes getting things ready to leave the house to pick up the older kids from school. When I came downstairs I entered a disaster zone. The twins had been in the cupboards again. This time I said good-bye to my Dill Seed, Cayenne Pepper, Montreal Steak Seasoning, and Bay Leaves. Along with that they dumped out a box of matches (a BIG box. Good thing they don't know what to do with them) that the dog was trying to eat, all the brown paper sacks for the big girls' lunches, a box of disposable bibs, and they both had butter knives and were trying to cut open pieces of cornbread.

Is nothing safe in this house?

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know it's early in the year, but I wanted to make sure I got my request in. You see, Camden got into the medicine cupboard again yesterday and ate a bunch of Sucrets. I really need some more magnetic locks for my cupboards. Not everything in there is in a child proof container. I shudder to think about her eating birth control pills or something else that looks like candy. I'm sure it won't be long before she can open those too. Plus, I'm loosing spices left and right!

I had to move my knives off the counter months ago to keep them out of the twins' reach. Today I found Cadi pulling them out of the cupboard. Since we don't believe in human sacrifice in this house I really need those locks!

I could also really use some more door knob covers. They climbed into the linen closet in my bathroom yesterday and got into my make-up. Let me tell you lipstick does not equal chap stick. I have the baby's door, and the front door covered, but now they can open the door leading into the garage and Cadence can reach the garage door opener, and Camden has figured out how to get into the van and use the opener in the car. I really hate to think of them getting out into the road without me knowing. The street on the north side or our house is kind of busy. It's a bus route for the schools. My pantry has also become fair game as of late. Camden climbs up and up until she finds something she wants. The latest conquest was the cereal.



Also, if you can figure a way for me to be able to lock the back sliding door that would be great! When it's wet and muddy, or snowy outside I can't seem to keep them in the house.



In addition, I need another gate for the laundry room. Wrigley will be crawling soon and I need to keep her out of the dog food. That or a dog door big enough for the dog, but too small for the baby. That might be hard because I think they're about the same size. An additional gate for the top of the stairs would be appreciated!

I finally noticed that the water/ice dispenser in my freezer door has locking capabilities so that one's taken care of for now.

I'm hoping, that since I am sending my letter in so early you might put in a good word for me at your next council meeting. Maybe the Easter Bunny could fit me into his schedule? I promise I won't ask for anything else at Christmas time.

Thank you!

Spicy!!!

Camden and Cadence's latest interest has been my spice cupboard. Only now they're being a little more stealthy in their mischief. Earlier this week I walked into my living room and found sesame seeds sprinkled all over the floor. The whole bottle was empty. Another day I went upstairs just long enough to get some wipes. Upon my return the twins were dumping the cinnamon and sugar all over the counter. Yup. They emptied it. The next day Chloe walked in on Cadi pouring the salt on the living room floor. I was so excited.

Inbetween all this they went outside to jump on the trampoline while I did dishes. When I checked on them I discovered their clothes and diapers at the base of the slide. They were jumping commando! I'm sure all the neighbors got a kick out of it. I took pictures, but decided against posting them because this is still a public site and a) I don't want the porn czar tracking me down and b) I don't want any sick-o's out there flagging my blog and oogeling my girls perhaps tracking down where I live. Call me crazy. What will they dish out next?

Buttery Goodness

The twins were busy last night. It made me have to concentrate really hard on why I'm trying to limit their television viewing pleasure (Cadi constantly reminds me, "You rude, Mommy! You mean!"). After I pulled them out of the laundry room for unauthorized spelunking, it was time for me to take the baby upstairs for her evening catnap. I wasn't gone long. I'm slowly learning that un-mesmorized twins should not be left unsupervised for any length of time. I returned to the kitchen quickly, but didn't see the twins. I could hear them, but they were not in my immediate line of sight. A little probing revealed their hideout, and their mess. They were hiding under the counter, behind the bar chairs with a now unwrapped box of butter. I had left butter on the counter to soften for my first attempt at honey butter (YUM, by the way). Now it was in the grasp of grubby little hands, being gnawed on by tiny teeth, and the dog trying to get his licks in as well. It was a whole pound of sweet cream! The wrappers, licked clean by the dog, were spread all about, giving the floors a new sheen. Blah. What a mess. It made for some fun pictures. Unfortunately I think the twins are starting to do naughty things just so I'll take pictures of them! After I cleaned up this mess, Camden climbed to the top of the pantry and found a chocolate bar while I was showing Cadi some pictures. We have tall ceilings. She could get hurt. One of these days I'll catch her in the act with my camera in hand so I have proof of her monkey-ing.

Where's Camden?

I've discovered in my attempts to limit the amount of television my children watch, that if their brains are not glued to flashing colorful images projected on the screen then they must find something else to occupy their cerebral activities. While this is in fact the point of restricting the amount of face time the kids get with our electronic baby-sitter, "creativity" does not always have the grandest of results. Thomas Edison had what, 1000 attempts at the light bulb before it worked?

Anyhoo... while making dinner this evening the twins were finding ways to occupy their time. When Cadi wasn't screaming at me for something to eat they actually seemed to be having fun. At one point they were spiders crawling on the ground. Another time they had pop-beads on their fingers and they were monsters trying to eat me (that was great fun until one of them actually bit me on the bum). I was thinking, "This is great! Terrific to see them interacting and playing make believe. This is why I turned the TV off."

While searching cookbooks for a honey butter recipe (Alton Brown has one that is delicious on foodnetwork.com) the twins wandered into the laundry room just off the kitchen. They often do so I didn't think anything of it. After a few minutes it got quiet and their voices seems far away or muffled. I thought maybe they'd gone into the bathroom, so I went to fetch them out. Upon entering the laundry room I saw Cadence, but no Cami. "Where's Camden," I asked? I'd never have guessed where I found her.

Who climbs in the washer? And who shuts the door on someone who climbs in the washer! I know we bought a large capacity washing machine, but really. Really? My first instinct was to get her out of there as quickly as possible. As she was first climbing out I thought, "Where's my camera?" So I had her stay in for a moment while I found my tool of photographic evidence. We closed the door and I had Cadi reenact the moment of discovery, all the while reinforcing the idea that we don't hide in the washing machine. It's not safe. You could get stuck, or hurt, maybe we wouldn't find you... It made for some fun pictures, but my goodness! Who does this stuff? My other kids never did the things they do. It must be a twin thing.

Fresh Powder

Last night I left the baby sitting in her room while I went to get her bath ready. When I went back to get her this is the scene I happened upon:

Powder was everywhere! The floor, the baby, the rocking chair, toys, in Camden's hair...EVERYWHERE! It was a new bottle too. I was not happy. Fortunately my sweet 9 year old was there to help clean up the mess while I bathed the baby.

I didn't get a picture, but imagine my surprise when I went back to the bathroom to turn the water off and found Cadi standing in the now half full tub in her jammies and snow boots that were now full of water. Good grief!

Purple Plush

I may have to start a new series just for Camden. She's starting to create stories, like this one, without her accomplice.Yesterday while I was wasting away on the computer and Stuart was sitting on the sofa doing something or other Camden found a new place to explore. She got into our bathroom and climbed the shelves to the top of the linen closet where she found a bottle of Gentian Violet. What's that you say? If you or your nursing baby has ever had thrush you may be familiar with it. Long story short its a dye that kills yeast.

The older girls discovered her with now purple hands. Fortunately the house was spared except for a small dot at the top of the stairs. Hardly noticeable. Unfortunately the big girls wanted to be helpful and tried to clean up the mess while we washed Camden's hands. The tiny purple dot quickly became a large mass of shocking violet that will require us to re carpet our house if we ever want to sell it. I guess I can count myself lucky that we made it 4.5 years without much for the carpet to complain about.

February 3, 2009

The Painted Puppy

Another title for this one could be "Camden Flies Solo" because Cadence had nothing to do with it.

A couple days ago I was upstairs getting dressed when Camden came into our room showing Stuart her hands that were now covered in black paint. When we asked her what she painted she said, "It's on Shocker, on the black." Huh? Shocker is a white dog with large black spots on his back. So I went downstairs to find the dog sitting by the front door. He didn't look like he had paint on him, but closer examination revealed that what Camden said was true. There were globs of paint on his black spots. Since he'd been scratching it, the paint was also on his paws. There was a trail of puppy prints from the front door to the back. Fortunately I don't have a lot of carpet on the main floor of my house, so it was easily cleaned up, but there was nothing that could be done about the curtains the dog had brushed up against, or the rug by the front door. I don't feel too bad about the mat, but oh! my beautiful curtains! I would like it noted that I was not on the computer at the time of this happening.

I decided that Shocker was the priority in the disaster clean up to prevent more messes from occurring. This necessitated a bath. I hauled the dog to the basement, where I got a good soak as well. My sweet husband, got up off his sick bed and took care of Camden and the floor.

I have to say that even though this came at a less than opportune time (baby was hungry), I kept my cool, and for that I'm proud of myself. Now if I can just find a safe place for everything...

The Desitin Diaries*

At what point does one start to like their children? I know everyone LOVES their children. It's what keeps them alive. That or the fear of the person in the cell next to you. I want to know when you start to LIKE your children. When you LIKE someone you want to be around them. When does that happen, because today I am not feelin' it.

My twins were sitting up to the counter eating the lunch I had just prepared for them when I sat down to read the news (via Yahoo! of course, because everything happens when I'm on the computer). After a few minutes I noticed them run off to the front living room. I finished the article I was reading and decided to check on them. What did I find? Desitin covered hands caressing the fabric of my formal living room sofa! It was caked on everywhere, complimenting the blue ink treasure map they left me last week. I was so mad. I popped one of them on the head with the now less than full tube. What is it with desitin? Neither of my older girls did this. I grabbed them and took them upstairs to the bathroom to wash their hands. Of course while washing the second pair of hands the clean pair found a bottle of soap and smeared it all over herself. Back to the sink for Thing One. As punishment I had them sit on their beds in for a time out while I went off to clean the sofa. BIG mistake.

Not five minutes of scrubbing had gone by when I heard water running in the tub. I laid down my rag to check it out. Two year-olds in a bathroom by themselves is never a good thing. I discovered naked twins standing in the tub and poop smeared all over the side of the tub! One had taken a messy diaper off, mashed the cow pile into the carpet of their bedroom and they both decided it was time for a bath. I pulled them out and took them back to the bedroom for re diapering, clothing and a good angry tongue lashing.

Once the twins were clean and dressed I abandoned the creamy couch cushions for poopy cut pile nylon. I think everyone can agree that human excrement trumps zinc oxide when prioritizing. I scooped and scrubbed as best I could, all the while beating the dog off as he eyed the mess as a potential bonus snack (and Stuart wonders why I don't let him lick the baby). I scrubbed the fibers until they looked like they were going to unravel from the strain of it. Much to the delight of my canine observer I couldn't get the smell to go away. When I finally gave up and stood to take my cleaning stuff downstairs he promptly sniffed out the area and rolled in it to his hearts content. Ugh.

On my way to the sink to dispose of the dirty water I encountered the twins with a bar of soap and a bowl of water scrubbing, not the desitin covered sofa in the living room, but the perfectly clean couch in the family room. Suds were everywhere! Not just in the living room, but all over the kitchen counters too. What am I suppose to do?! When does it end people? I hear talks all the time about how I'll miss it. I'm just not seeing it. I hadn't finished cleaning the first mess and now I'm presented a third one? In the words of Garfield, ARRRG! I wiped it up and put Thing Two to bed early. Then I made Thing One sit in the corner while I returned to the initial mess in the living room. I couldn't get it clean. I eventually gave up and flipped the cushions over. It looks nice for now. Heaven help them if they color, paint, pee, poop, spill, cut, desitin, etc. the good side.

Here's a tip on fabric choices when living with children: dark green microfiber, good. Dry-clean only, butter yellow brocade, bad. Very, very, bad.

*Apparently this particular adventure is going to be a continuing series. We're slow learners in this house. I guess the previous desitin mishap can be considered a prequel.

January 12, 2009

Pantry Pirates

I should be grounded from the computer. I really should. Everything happens when I'm on the computer or feeding the baby. Since I can't really do anything about feeding the baby, I should rid myself from some of the mischeif by giving up the computer. Given that I have no self control whatsoever, that is unlikely to happen (maybe I should block my husband from seeing this before he gets any ideas).

Yesterday afternoon I was happily chatting away with a friend, via facebook of course, about her current love interest, totally oblivious to the world around me. During my present yet absent state the twins raided the pantry. They ate gobs of candy. In fact I found Camden eating a sucker at the same time a big wad of taffy was happily stuck to the roof of her mouth. And even though the sugar rush was a bit annoying, it was nothing compared the other booty they snagged: Instant Cream of Wheat. Omigosh! Not very many people even like the stuff. They had torn open several packets and scattered their contents all over the kitchen. That would have been messy enough, but easily swept up, but that would be too easy. They moved on in their voyage to the family room carpet and the sofa, with the dog following behind doing his best to lick it up. You'd think that having a dog would be a good thing at this point. Let me tell you something else, Cream of Wheat + dog spit = super glue. I scrubbed and scraped as best I could. I was a laborious task. Cream of Wheat does not vacuum well either. I tried the various vacuums that I have sitting around my house. None of which had enough suction (do Dysons really work?) to get the dry stuff out of the carpet and off my sofa. All of which just blew it around more. With a full arsenal of cleaning supplies and the twins in the brigg, I eventually got it cleaned up only to find that they'd also come across a pen in the pantry and left me a "map" for their next adventure all over my yellow sofa in the formal living room while being detained!

I think I'm going to have to hitch a ride on the next ship that leaves port before I shove these kids off the plank!

January 6, 2009

Pretty Piggies

I tried to change things a little today. I tried to keep the kids near me while doing the chores, but folding laundry and watching the finale of "The Biggest Looser" via the DVR can only hold a two year-old's interest so long. They wandered off to bigger and better things. After a short while I noticed that it was awfully quiet. I went off to check on the only to discover that while I was being inspired to throw away the cookies leftover from Chloe's Christmas party at the dance studio, they had climbed up to the medicine cupboard, had pulled out a number of pill bottles (thank heavens for child proof caps), liquid band-aid, the dog's heart worm "treats", a bottle of hand sanitizer, the contents of which was now all over the counters, and they were sitting in it painting their toes with sparkly nail polish. As far as messes go it wasn't so bad, at least my counters and their backsides were now 99.99% germ free, however it was enough that my resolve to be sugar free quickly crumbled. Waste or waist right?I cleaned up the mess and sent them on their way with a stern warning not to get in the cupboards again (did I really think that would work?). By now it was time to feed the baby. I even tried taking the twins with me, giving them little tasks to keep them otherwise occupied, but how much can you really control when you're a dairy cow? They left again after not too long. Once I finished I hurried to check on the little devils. Cadi had occupied herself with cartoons (not the best way to occupy one's brain, but safe, and clean), but Camden had gotten into the medicine cupboard again! No nail polish this time. This time she found the one pill bottle that doesn't have a child proof cap on it (your Echinacea is looking less and less appealing, hon.) Fortunately it was yucky and she spit little pieces all over the counter. I don't think she ate any. She says she didn't. Good grief! Santa, I need another set of locks for the upper cabinets!

December 17, 2008

Little Sisters Are Pests

My big girls share a room, so do my little girls. The only one who doesn't share a room is the baby (lucky girl). So what happens when the room that already offers little or no privacy is invaded by the girls across the hall? I was happily exploring the blogosphere this evening while my husband was getting his Monday evening dose of pigskin when a naked twin appeared at the bottom of the stairs. "Where are your clothes?" I should have known better. It had been quiet for sometime (except for the TV , and the "I hate math!" coming from the kitchen. That's pretty good in our house). These things almost always happen during moments of lazy parenting (although I justify it because I got a GREAT idea for Webelos while surfing). You'd think I'd clue in. After a few queries and some exploration I discovered that Camden and Cadence had unleashed their curiosity on the big girls' room. They dumped the contents of Madilyn's piggy bank all over the floor. They scaled the bunk beds and retrieved Chloe's deoderant, digging their little nails into it and leaving balls of invisible solid scattered amongst the carpet threads, leaving my nylon broadloom with a glossy white coating and an overwhelming scent of "Afrikan Violet". Next I remind you of the fact that the little girls had been running around in the buff, their clothes and diapers strewn about the room. They're not potty trained by the way (duh, I just mentioned their diapers. Whoops!) so that means the pee went somewhere else. Namely the floor, which would be bad enough on its own, but since the big girls are not very tidy themselves, a book and a pillow also enjoyed the royal treatment.Little sisters can be the biggest pests! I can totally sympathize. This is why I never wanted my little sister in my room (sorry Jackie). Fortunately for me my little sister is 22 and doesn't pee in my bed anymore.

December 15, 2008

Rewards of Poor Parenting

Have you ever had one of those days where you just can't quite make yourself do anything? For me, today is one of those days (which isn't good because I have lots to do). When it came time for the baby's late morning feeding I set myself up on my bed in front of the TV to try and break up the endless monotony of the day. Whilst nursing said baby I became involved with a movie ("The Other Side of Heaven" in case you were wondering.). Rather than going on with my day after baby's brunch was over I stayed holed up in my room rocking my sick baby and watching what was turning out to be a good flick. After some time had passed a very colorful child appeared in my doorway. I'm ashamed to admit it had been long enough that it was time to put the baby back to bed. I did so and reluctantly followed my rainbow child down the stairs to see what awaited me. Some monkey of a kid (namely Camden) had climbed up to the highest cupboard and gotten the markers out. They were scattered all over the table. Artwork was everywhere! They'd colored on themselves, the walls, the baby walker, the moldings, they'd drawn down the creases of all the baseboards and door frames, and of course the table. Arg! When will I find a safe haven for the art supplies? It doesn't stop with the markers. That would be too obvious a crime. We go for spectacular in this house. To offset the bright colors of the markers they had taken baking soda, and baking powder and emptied the boxes all over the sofas, the carpet, the kitchen, you name it, it was covered. Kind of gives a new meaning to the phrase "White Christmas". Now that my house was freshly powder coated, it felt more like walking on the beach (not the gritty beaches of California, think Florida) than wood floors. You'd think this would be enough. I guess it wasn't textural enough for them. Going down the basement stairs to retrieve the vacuum I felt an uncharacteristic crunch beneath my feet. I looked down to discover dog food trailing down the stairs! I guess if you don't give your kids something to do, they'll find a way to pass the time on their own. When will I learn?

December 10, 2008

Marker Mayhem

We had a lazy morning. Mostly because we stayed up late watching a movie. Once I put the baby down for her morning nap I crawled back into bed (the one Stuart hadn't left yet) to try and make up for lost Z's. I laid there for a long time with no luck. I should have stayed up. Around 10:30 Stuart crawled out of bed and made his way downstairs to receive a very colorful wake-up call. With their new, much taller recruits having made an acquisition of markers they colored the walls, the tables, their clothes, and themselves-- oh and some paper. So called "magic" Mr. Clean only smeared the color around on the walls. Cadi has a purple tummy. This will make for an artful presentation at church on Sunday. I tried to take pictures, but my camera was dead. I'll make another attempt later.

November 28, 2008

The Naughty Nudies

I was happily munching away on my lunch this afternoon while typing up my review of "Twilight" (which was less than I hoped for, but worth seeing) when I got a call from my neighbor thanking me for this afternoon's offering of comic relief. I looked out the back window and there were the twins streaking through the back yard with nary a garment to be seen. Diapers were strewn about the north side of the yard, pants were scattered at the base of the slide and under the trampoline, shirts were nowhere to be found. One was pushing a stroller through the garden, while the other was being chased by the dog (who had chewed up the previously discarded diapers). At least it wasn't snowing right?

November 25, 2008

The Desitin Deluge

So last night while I was folding laundry I heard the distressed calls of my husband lilting up the stairs. In our short absence the twins came across a stray tube of Desitin. It was in the diaper bag, which in most houses is a perfectly acceptable place to put it. In our house it must be kept in the tallest shelf of the tallest cupboard. Of course if you read our last episode you know that is no longer a safe place either. Back to the point, the desitin was now all over the carpet, both sofas, Stuart's laptop, stuffed animals, all over their clothing, in their hair, the throw pillows...it was everywhere! Stuart was very unhappy. It didn't happen, but I suggested he take pictures : )

November 25, 2008

The First Adventure

What can happen in 20 minutes? As every mother knows, a LOT can happen in 20 minutes. I came downstairs after feeding my baby to discover Camden standing on the counters. She had spent the last little while scaling the upper cabinets and bringing various things down with her from each little expedition. One of which was food coloring (along with muffin cups, leftover Valentine's cards and other treasures), which was now all over my kitchen and all over my children (who of course were wearing new clothes, jackets and all). I was so shocked I didn't even know where to start. Not to mention I had left a naked baby laying on the bed upstairs (I'll spare you the details of why she was naked, but as parents I'm sure you can guess). What to do first? I called my husband to share my shock and disbelief at what I was seeing. I've learned that calling someone can save my children from sudden angry outbursts. He thought it was hilarious. I didn't. And try as he might to help me find the positive and see the humor in the situation, I wasn't having any of it. In his wisdom he suggested that I take pictures for posterity's sake, and in my stubborn anger I didn't do it. Why would anyone want to see pictures of Moon Sand (which will NEVER enter this house again) and Barbie Valentine cards from last year soaked in food coloring (which, may I remind you is a DYE) plastered all over my kitchen and dining room. I hung up with him unconsoled and a bit irritated that he was handling it so well. Easy to do when you're not there if you ask me. Next I called my sister-in-law and my mother who both shared in my frustration. Thank you ladies. I sent the twins outside so they couldn't touch anything else, quickly diapered the baby, set her down to play and started sweeping up the Moon Sand so that I could get to the floors, table, and counters. Thankfully the dye wiped off all the hard surfaces. On to cleaning of the children. I washed as much color off of their hands and face as I could before tossing them in the tub. They just kept bleeding color! I tossed Cadi in and the water turned a lovely shade of blue. Add Cami and it's green (think back to elementary school art class as to why that happened.) I scrubbed and scrubbed and then drained our beautiful water and refilled the tub before washing their hair. I didn't want to think of what would happen to their silky locks if they marinated too long in the ocean of bluish-green. Most of it came off. You can hardly tell Camden was involved at all since she chose yellow. Cadi has light reminders on her palms and in the tissue every time she blows her nose. Not a good place for food coloring. This may sound unbelievable, but its true. I offer photographic evidence in the post below (just for you mom. Sorry, no photos of the house). Of course none of it was as bad as the screaming and crying that ensued after redressing them because lunch was an hour late. I was thinking of skipping naps as a trial today, but not after that. Now that they're in bed I'm drowning my frustration in cookies leftover from last night's Enrichment get together, which I'll thoroughly regret later on many levels. As for the clothes, their fate is still unknown. Although I think I may have made a big mistake in putting them in the wash with other clothes. Everything may be an interesting color by now. We'll soon know. The washer is on its spin cycle...

November 19, 2008